From the middle of November until the middle of February, Fred spent all but 3 weeks in the hospital. When he was home the last week of December and the beginning of January, I knew that when I took him back to the hospital it would be a while before he came home. We expected him to get the liver transplant and then work through recovery. Little did we know that God would take him HOME on February 19th. Five weeks later, my heart still feels like it can’t be true. We were blessed with (and worked hard at) a good marriage. Fred was my best friend, and we were truly a team in life. My heart hurts with the loss, but when I think about Fred being completely whole, no more pain, no more doctors visits, no more sleepless nights, no more medication, I can be thankful and know that this is how I love him best right now–by letting him go. He loved his Lord and I know that he is so happy to be with Jesus–so happy that he would not want to come back.
God has given us amazing friends and family who have walked with us the last few weeks. Many gave financially so that the kids could come for the funeral. All but Julianna were here and I really don’t know what I would have done without them.
Even though our hearts are heavy, we have joy, peace, and hope, all gifts from our Father in heaven. I have learned that I do choose my focus each day (often many times throughout the day). There are questions that will never be answered. I either trust my God or I don’t trust Him–there is no middle path. So, I choose to trust God completely, choose to focus on the good gifts from my good God and take one day at at time.