The other morning, something I read, led to a song that I wanted to listen to, which led to me re-watching part of the celebration of life for Fred. My heart broke in a thousand pieces to see my children standing together in the church sharing about their daddy. They are so young to be without a daddy, so young to deal with grief on this kind of a level. God spoke to me–and as always it is so gentle and I can feel His arms holding me–He told me that I do not have and will not have the grace my children need to be without a daddy, but THEY will have all the grace they need. I have grace to deal with my pain and sorrow, but I only have grace for my hurt.
Meanwhile, as I continue to pick up the pieces of shattered dreams and a broken heart, God is near and is mending me. I thank God for little rays of sunshine in the past few months that have brought joy!