Easter Sunday, Fred was singing praises in heaven. Each time I am overcome with grief, just remembering that he finished his course–the goal of all of us as believers in Jesus is to gain heaven. Fred is also no longer burdened with pain, itching, medication, doctor’s visits, and the cares of this world. Even little things like taking out the trash, or paying taxes, or dealing with difficult people are all things of this earth. He doesn’t have to be concerned about war or inflation or shortage of flour and oil. If he was given an opportunity to return to earth, would he? I doubt it! And I do not blame him or doubt that he loved me deeply. So, I choose to rejoice that Fred is perfectly whole and perfectly holy. Hallelujah!
God has used many things to speak to me in the last months: music, friends, books, the Bible, sensing His presence in nature. One book I read is “Suffering: It Is Never for Nothing,” by Elisabeth Elliot. This quote spoke to me: ” . . . everything can be seen as a gift, even my widowhood. I began very slowly to recognize, after my first husband was killed, that it was within the context of widowhood that God wanted me to glorify Him. It was not my idea. It was something that God not only allowed, but in a very real sense, which I began to slowly understand, He had given me because He had something else in mind. And this was a gift not just for me, but also for the life of the world in some mysterious sense that I did not need to understand because I could trust Him.”
I, like Elisabeth Elliot, did not choose widowhood. It is not my idea of how my life should look. But, God asks me to glorify Him in my widowhood. I choose to trust Him completely and let Him write my story.
Spring flowers are starting to pop. A great reminder that my God is faithful. A new grandbaby is due in August. There is a lot I miss about having Fred gone, but there is so much God is giving me in this new season of life.
