Saturday I attended a wedding. Being a widow for 10 weeks with the grief still fresh on my heart, I wondered if going to a wedding was a good idea, but the bride is a dear friend and I knew God would give me grace–which He did.
God also used the wedding to remind me of His desire that I rejoice with those who rejoice. Not just a newly wed couple, but also my many friends who still have their spouse. Yes, I am the one alone, the one not sitting next to my husband, the one missing the presence of my dearest friend on earth. But, I dare not let my heart grow bitter and be jealous of those who still have their spouse.
God also reminded me that I need to accept the fact that I am a widow. I did not choose this and I have often reminded God that I don’t want to be a widow. But, is actuality, with that statement I am telling God that I do not want what He has chosen for me, that I know better, that His plan is a bad one. God has been so loving and gracious to me, and even in this, I do not feel like He is beating me with a stick, but rather gathering me in His arms and telling me to trust Him and His plan. God knows that my heart still aches and He understands. God knows I miss my husband, but His presence surrounds me. It is still hard for me to say, “Thank you, God, that my husband is dead.” But I am to the point where I can say, “Thank you, God, that Your plan is a good one, that You have me in your arms, and that Your love is surrounding me.”
These boys have been a huge blessing to me!